An Untitled Love Story

I found this written on my old composition book and it's dated January 26, 2009. It has no title on it, but let me just share it here. ^_^

It's as if the world has gone at its end when you left me.

I thought that it was the hardest problem I had ever encountered.

I had no idea that there was more...

When I was helpless, he came to ease up the pain that nearly took away my sanity.

Every night he stood by my side, reminding me that the world's still revolving in spite of your absence.

He was there to make sure I won't be a slave of my sanity, to make sure I won't forget to breathe every moment I wake up.

At first I was selfish, I let him do the things that you ought to be doing. But one day I woke up with the realization that I'm falling for him.

I never doubted 'cause I knew what he feels. I went on with the flow... I've let myself get addicted and once again commit the same mistake- FALL FOR LOVE...

With him, I've done the things that I forgot to do when we were together.. And with that, I was able to get over you...

I tried to be optimistic, I never thought that one day I'll suffer the same pain or maybe more...

It's not only because I valued him more than I did for you, but because with him I was able to turn down my pride and forget about my damn principles. I gave him all that I wasn't able to give you...

But then again all my sacrifices were not enough to make him stay...

Just like what you did, he also left.

And as usual, I did nothing. I've got no choice.

He used to ask me about the sadness in my eyes...

I usually tell him that there aren't reasons to stay happy...

I liked it when he does that, 'cause then I can sense love emanating from his eyes.

I usually felt better because it's as if it's his responsibility to make me happy. It's as if God has answered my prayers. That at last, someone has loved me truly. The kind of love that serves as an anesthetic that will save me from suffering.

But for the second time, I lost my sanity.

The pain ripped me more intensely because I was betrayed.

He made me fall for him but he didn't catch me.

He's more cruel than you are for at least you haven't planned on hurting me. You didn't even force me to fall for you.. I just did unconsciously.

I'm very much hurt but I don't want to cry anymore.

I've made myself believe that I have no more tears to cry for and that made me numb.

Then next time, when thousands of men like you and him entered my life, I will never be a slave of sadness..

I don't plan to love again, but when I do, I'll be sure I would be the best player.

Love causes vulnerability and I don't wanna be vulnerable.

Time will come and I know God will get tired of making me unhappy...

I would then be able to avenge to those who made my life miserable...

And when that time comes, I would make sure they'll hate every minute of their lives and beg me to end it by killing them...

No mercy can save their lives, I will be able to laugh out loud.

It's kinda dark and bitter. Forgive me.
-A <3